Mastodonian Memoirs, Vol. 1, Investigator Valeria

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Mastodonian Memoirs, Vol. 1, Investigator Valeria image

Mastodonian Memoirs, Vol. 1, Investigator Valeria is a memoir penned by Investigator Valeria.

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This book is redolent with the enticing smell of paper and ink.


  • Books
  • Rarity: Common
  •  Weight: 0.5 kg / 1 lb
  • Price: 14 gp

Where to find

Found in a Traveller's Chest X: -1264 Y: 458 next to Valeria in the Murder Tribunal.


[This lightly crumpled personal missive, parchment humming with Mount Celestia's radiance, boasts sporadically recorded entries in a hollyphant's life.]

Bloody planetars. I tell them every time they deploy her: if you send someone to observe the Blood War, there's a danger they could be recruited. Every time they say it's a 'minor heresy.' Why? Zariel wouldn't be the first to fall - Lathander's light doesn't reach that far down the planes.
They say crime doesn't pay around here. They say that in a world of purest good, who'd have motive to do evil? They also say the path to the Hells is paved in good intentions. So which is it? Of course they don't really know. Hypocrites, the lot of them. It's just one bloody adage after another up here. But if you ask what any of them mean? Why, who, what? No one's interested.
Lulu's no help either. She's a model hollyphant (a perfect example, my superiors are quick to remind me), and she's fallen for Zariel's act - hook and all. No, it's not an act. Zariel believes what she's saying, she's just wrong. Foolish. And Lulu's a fool to believe it too.
It's official. I depart for Baldur's Gate at the earliest opportunity. Spreading conspiracy, disorderly drinking (first, I didn't know there was a prohibition in place, second, if you don't want me drunk, don't send me to the Feywild! Gnomes have the best mead!) - and all the other allegations weighing against my person have tipped my reputation. Over the edge of a cloud, down to Toril. Of course, it's not phrased like that. 'Your sense of justice is needed by the mortals!' 'Baldur's Gate has a lively tavern scene!' Piss off. I know what they're really thinking. Pains in the trunk, the lot of them.
Not to say 'I told you so,' but my connections tell me Zariel's broken code to intervene in the Blood War. If ONLY someone had warned them! Apparently she killed a horde of Yeenoghu's gnolls running rampant down here in Toril. Her heart's in the right place - it's a shame her sword isn't. She's too reckless to be let near the Blood War, and I reckon this is just the beginning. But alas - I've picked up a rather handy new phrase since setting up in Baldur's Gate: 'That's none of my business.'