Karlach/banter

A collection of Karlach's remarks and overhead conversations with other characters.

Remarks

Selected

Let's march!
What a charmer.
Hey, good-looking.
C'mon, let's go!
I could go for a good meal.
Damn, it's good to be alive.
Soldier.
I'd love to, thanks.
Making me sweat.
Wanna dance?
What's cooking?
Don't be shy.
Don't burn yourself.
Attention!
Well, well, well.
What's the story?
La-da-da-da...
Hey-ho.

Selected (sneaking)

Let's march!
What a charmer.
Hey, good-looking.
C'mon, let's go!
I could go for a good meal.
Damn, it's good to be alive.
Ready for some good news.
Soldier.
I'd love to, thanks.
You're making me sweat.
Wanna dance?
What's cooking?
Don't be shy.
Don't burn yourself.
Attention!
Well, well.
What's the story?
Dum-dee-dum.

Selected (in combat)

Let's cook with fire, baby.
Now this is my happy place.
Hup hup!
On my word.
I got this.
Bye forever, pal.
I'm heating up!
GODS, it's HOT in here!
Put 'em up.
Hahahaha!
My turn.
I smell blood.
All right, Karlach, it's go time.
This is gonna feel good.
Ready for another round?
Let's GO!
Watch this.
Fuck yes!

Selected (downed)

Help me.
Everything's going dark.
This isn't the way.
No! I won't go!
Not yet. Please.
Heal me, please!
I'm burnt out.

Selection spam

Don't. Poke. The Karlach.
Who am I?
My eye!

Selection spam (sneaking)

My back can't take much more of this.
Not now, I'm being a sneak!
I'm getting too old for this nonsense.
I'm not built to crouch.

Selection spam (in combat)

Eyes on the prize - we need to win this!
Not every soldier should've made it out of training.
Eyes on victory, tummy on dinner.
I ought to just burn this whole thing down.

Moving

Hup to.
All right.
Marching.
Soldier?
On my way.
There we go.
What next?
Lalala.
Oh yeah.
Let's go!
Heyy.
Uh huh.
Phew!
Movin' it.
Where to?
Got it.
Let's ride.
Saddle up.
Honk honk.
Yeah-ha.
Me?
If you insist.
While I'm at it.
Toes, toes.

Moving (in combat)

Over there!
Heading out.
Find a route.
Moving.
Tactical.
Close ranks.
In position!
Jimmy on the go.
Covered.
Knees high.
I've got it.
Count on me.
No surrender.
Got it.
Under their noses.
Aye aye.
Soldier.
Incoming!
Poor fucker.

Moving (sneaking)

I'm too tall for this...
Halfling essence...
Long n' low.
Rat feet.
Sneak sneak.
Quiet.
Shadowlach
Shh...
I'm nothing!
Light as air
Turn down the fire.
Whisper mode.

Hiding

Stealth mode: activated.
Like a vandal.
Let's turn down the fire.
Shh...
Shadows don't suit me.
Time for a soft touch.
You can't see me.
Invisible me.
I feel like a rothé in a tea shop.
Steady...
I've got this.
Not used to lying low.

Hiding (in combat)

Get down!
They won't spot me now.
Quiet as silence.
Can't see me.
Don't look!
Oh yeah.
Slick.
Shht!
Here I go...
Invisible.
Born for this.
Boom! Here I go.

At low health

Need some oil over here!
Tune me up, quick!
Won't last much longer like this.
Soldier! I need your help!

Can't fit in a small hole

Yeah, maybe if I was half the size.
No chance.
Maybe if I were a halfling.

Can't fit in a tiny hole

That's for someone teeny-tiny, not biggy-biggy.
Not a chance I'd fit.
Maybe if I was a quarter of the size.

Can't use an item

No joy.
Nope.
C'mon...
Argh!

Can't use an item while in combat

Not now.
Not during a fight.
Other things on my mind, thanks.
Let's finish this fight first.

Finding a locked item

Nope. Maybe there's some other way to open it.
Locked out. Maybe I can get it open another way.
Let me look around. Might be something that'll help me crack this thing.
Gotta be something around here to unlock this thing.

Attempting to pick a lock

Can't I just break it?
To the left... and... to the...

Looking at a globe

Where should we go next?
What a world.
Round and round.
Let's see, where's Faerûn.
Big.

Looking at an astrolabe

Wouldn't mind knowing what else is out there.
No thanks, I'm happy where I'm at.
Makes me dizzy. Feet planted firmly on Faerûn, please.

Looking into a mirror

Hey, good lookin'.
Aw, me.
Check out those arms.
Hey, girl.
Cute.

Looking into a telescope

Big shiny eye.

Succeeded Perception roll (trap)

Easy - this place is hungry for blood.
This'll be fun.
A trap! Time to dance.
Hot foot, hot foot - place is trapped.

Succeeded Investigation roll

What's this?
Gotcha.
He-llo.
What's that now?
C'mere you.

Succeeded Investigation roll (trap)

Place is trapped.
Someone's rigged this place to the teeth.
Go lightly; I spot a trap.

Identified a mimic

Come out, come out, little mimic...

Surprised by mimic

Another mimic! Aw, look at all those teeth.
A mimic! Aww, baby!

After a Short Rest

Nice little nap.
Feeling fresh.
Ah, that put the wind back in my sails.
*Yawn!*

On character death

Player:

You're not dying. Not on my watch.

Player (Dark Urge):

Hang on - I won't allow this. You aren't dead, go it?

Lae'zel:

On your feet, soldier! That's an order!

Shadowheart:

C'mon, Fringe, back up with you!

Jaheira:

Fuck no. Not Jaheira.

Gale:

Gale! Come on, magic man, hang on!

Wyll:

WYLL! NO!

Minthara:

On your feet, Minthara! Today's not your day.

Minsc:

Oh, no you don't, baldy. On your feet!

Astarion:

Astarion, you leech, you can't die like this!

Halsin:

Halsin! Hang on! Please!

Location Remarks

Act One

Act 1 Spoilers! This section reveals details about the story of Baldur's Gate 3.

Ravaged Beach

(By the dock)

"It's the River Chionthar. I'd know these waters anywhere."
"Do you intend to vocalise every thought? Or just the most obvious ones?"
"Makes a pleasant change from rivers of blood."
"Let's hope the locals are friendly."

Forest

(Finding Exsanguinated Boar) "Wonder what killed the poor thing. Not a drop of blood anywhere."

Act Two

Act 2 Spoilers! This section reveals details about the story of Baldur's Gate 3.

Act Three

Act 3 Spoilers! This section reveals details about the story of Baldur's Gate 3.

Party Banter

Karlach and Astarion

(While in plains)

Karlach: Hahaha. Ha!
Astarion: What's so funny? You haven't got some laughing curse, have you?
Karlach: I really made it out of Avernus. It's incredible.
Astarion: All right, just keep it down. We're conspicuous enough without your hyena call.

(At Forest)

Astarion: Biting flies, midges - shouldn't nature be beautiful and serene? It looks so nice in the Upper City parks.
Karlach: Upper City, huh? Swish. Never spent much time there myself.
Astarion: I'll happily take you. If we survive this bugs' banquet.
Karlach: Sounds good. I've always been curious what a patriar loo looks like.

(At Sunlit Wetlands)

Astarion: Transforming into a mind flayer might have its perks. At least then I could float over this muck.
Karlach: Not one for roughing it, I see.
Astarion: Wallowing in filth is for pigs and children, my dear.
Karlach: Pigs, children, and people with a little bit of grit.

(At Grymforge)

Karlach: Ho. He-llo! Hey!
Astarion: So... are you greeting invisible beings or just losing your mind?
Karlach: The echoes - listen! They're coming from three directions!
Astarion: Losing your mind it is! Probably the tadpole - the weirdest things seem to be...

(Near Rosymorn Monastery)

Astarion: Gods, how are we not there yet? My feet are killing me.
Karlach: Want me to carry you?
Astarion: Oh, darling, would you?
Karlach: Sure! If you promise to swap once I get tired.
Astarion: Please, I can barely manage my pack - you'd kill me.

(At Last Light Inn Graveyard)

Astarion: The graveyard's ancient, but the graves are fresh.
Karlach: Feeling at home?
Astarion: I haven't set foot in a graveyard since I became a spawn, thank you. Vampires are nothing like those other undead.
Karlach: True. I've never heard a mummy complain about a wrinkled doublet. Or sour wine.

(At Rivington)

Karlach: Nice to be in a crowd of normal people for once.
Astarion: Really? I prefer my company extraordinary.
Karlach: Aww, thanks.
Astarion: Don't thank me, thank Gortash.
Karlach: Excuse you. I didn't need that prick to make me who I am.
Astarion: You're right, of course. Forgive me.
Karlach: All good, fangs.

(At Baldur's Mouth)

Astarion: Probably best if I keep a low profile. They used to know me all too well in the Elfsong.
Karlach: Wonder if our paths ever crossed in the before-times. Were you always so sneaky?
Astarion: I haven't survived for two centuries by being reckless. And I hope to survive at least two more.
Karlach: Yeah yeah, don't rub it in.

(At Grey Harbour Docks)

Karlach: Can you swim, Astarion?
Astarion: I'm... not sure, honestly. It's been a couple of hundred years.
Karlach: You're missing out! Loved it as a kid. This water looks nasty as hell, though.
Astarion: Well, it's not called 'Grey Harbour' for nothing.

(At Felogyr's Fireworks)

Karlach: Oh man! WHIZBANGS!
Astarion: Keep calm, Karlach. One bad flare and you could blow this whole place.
Karlach: (Oh man! Whizbangs!)
Astarion: Better.

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 1 romance scene)

Karlach: Hey. What's on your mind, Astarion? You seemed a million miles away just then.
Astarion: Hmm? Oh, I was just pondering that heart of yours.
Astarion: There were times I would've been thrilled if everyone who put their hands on me burst into flames.
Karlach: I'd trade you if I could.

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 2 romance scene)

Astarion: So the more you cool down, the more your love life heats up?
Karlach: Seems that way! But I'm a bit out of practice, to be honest.
Astarion: I'm sure it'll all come back to you. You'll be as depraved as the rest of us in no time.

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 3 romance scene)

Astarion: I hear you were spotted being 'normal' in the Singing Lute, Karlach. Are you feeling all right?
Karlach: Seemed like the right thing to do. I've never really tried 'normal' before.
Astarion: And? How did you find the quiet life?
Karlach: It was nice. It was really nice.
Astarion: I never thought I'd see the day - our champion of the Hells has gone soft.
Karlach: Maybe I have. Finally.

(If the player is romancing Astarion; after act 1 romance scene)

Karlach: I never was a sucker for a smooth-talker, but I admit, Astarion, you're pretty slick.
Astarion: And you're rather the opposite of slick. Do you have a point?
Karlach: I was just being nice.
Astarion: Step one of starting a conversation: think before you speak.
Karlach: Never was my strong suit.

(If the player is romancing Astarion; after act 2 romance scene)

Karlach: Sorry if this is rude, but... can vampires fall in love?
Astarion: What a preposterous question. Vampires can do anything you can do, and a damn sight better.
Karlach: Sunbathe? Swim?
Astarion: All right, there are a few limited exceptions.
Karlach: Good to know love is on the table though.
Astarion: It is. Though if the table is laden with good wine and meat, love is often left to rot with the salad leaves.

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion stayed a spawn)

Karlach: So our vamp isn't so heartless after all.
Astarion: Rich of you to talk about someone else's heart, Karlach.
Astarion: But I must admit, my chest has been feeling a touch lighter recently.
Karlach: It suits you beautifully.
Astarion: Yes, most things do.

(If the player is romancing Astarion, and Astarion became an ascendant)

Karlach: You know, Astarion, I'm not sure I can trust you anymore. You're... different. A bit scary, to be honest.
Astarion: I have one person who trusts me completely. That's enough for me.
Karlach: Treat them right, or you'll have me to answer to.
Karlach: I can whittle up a good stake in no time if the mood takes me.

Karlach and Gale

(While in plains)

Gale: I don't suppose you've any clue where we are in relation to Waterdeep?
Karlach: From this distance between Elturel and Baldur's Gate, I'd say... a long way away.
Gale: Ah. That will make getting word to my mother rather tricky.
Gale: No matter - what she doesn't know can't hurt her. Not at this distance, anyway.

(At Forest)

Gale: Nothing like a brisk stroll through the forest to invigorate the spirit.
Karlach: I was just thinking the same thing, but less poetically.
Gale: And without so much as a stirring from our tadpoles.
Karlach: A girl could get used to this.

(At Blighted Village)

Karlach: Looks like this town was ransacked - by soldiers, if my eyes don't deceive me.
Gale: Quite cruelly, too.
Karlach: Must've been an awful day for the people who lived here.
Gale: If nothing else, I hope it was a mercifully short one.

(In the Underdark)

Karlach: Just when I was getting used to the sky again...
Gale: Fear not, Karlach. Sun, moon and stars will still be there waiting for us.
Karlach: Meanwhile, this place is pretty spectacular, isn't it?
Gale: No book or painting could ever do its strange beauty justice. But perhaps our stories might, when we return to the surface.

(At Grymforge)

Gale: The architects who built this must have been remarkable. A pity their vision didn't stand the test of time.
Karlach: All's not lost. I mean, just look at this place.
Gale: You've quite the knack for finding the bright side of things, haven't you?
Karlach: Hope keeps you going.

(Near Rosymorn Monastery)

Karlach: Man, adventuring is thirsty work.
Gale: There used to be a monastery in this region known for producing a wonderful ale.
Karlach: That sounds like heaven! Wait. Used to?
Gale: Oh, yes - long ruined, I'm afraid. No chance of a frothing pitcher awaiting us there, but still - at least your thirst for knowledge is quenched.
Karlach: Ugh.

(On the road to Shadow-Cursed Lands)

Gale: Do you feel that? A darkness, pulling at the strands of the Weave.
Karlach: You'll still be able to do your wizard thing, though, right?
Gale: Of course, but that doesn't make the shadows less dangerous.
Karlach: Joy.

(At Shadow-Cursed Lands Forest)

Karlach: Doing all right, Gale?
Gale: Oh, you know... Still alive and kicking, despite being surrounded on all sides by an endless manifestation of darkness and decay...
Karlach: I feel it too. Here if you need a pick-me-up.

(At Last Light Inn - Cellar Shrine)

Gale: A hidden shrine, dedicated to the Moon Maiden herself. Even amidst this darkness, Selunites are stubborn enough to cling on.
Karlach: Pretty beautiful, isn't it?

(At The Waning Moon)

Karlach: Huh. A brewery. Why does Reithwin Ale ring a bell?
Gale: It was known to be quite the tipple - a cask or two still exists, if you know the right alekeep...
Karlach: You must have good taste. Not me. Can't afford it.
Gale: A common misconception. Even the simplest of flavours are elevated by the choice to appreciate them. Don't deny yourself such pleasures.

(At Reithwin Tollhouse)

Karlach: Whoa! Almost slipped there.
Gale: You wouldn't be the first, I'd wager. It's been some time since these walkways felt the carpenter's hammer.
Karlach: You gonna catch me if I eat a brick?
Gale: With my reflexes? I'd catch you before you so much as stubbed a toe.

(At Gauntlet of Shar)

Gale: Even shaped by shadow as it is, Sharran architecture has a kind of beauty to it.
Karlach: Beautifully intimidating. This place was meant to scare people into submission.
Gale: There you go, cutting right through the ephemera to the heart of the matter. Your finest quality, I think.
Karlach: And here I thought I rubbed you the wrong way.
Gale: Nothing wrong with a bit of friction now and then. You help me keep my mind sharp.
Karlach: Aw. Thanks, pal. I think.

(Approaching Moonrise Towers)

Karlach: Ready to enter the belly of the beast?
Gale: It's the stairs I'm dreading. I shall close my eyes, and pretend I'm climbing my own, far superior tower in Waterdeep.
Karlach: In that case, welcome home.

(At Moonrise Towers Docks)

Karlach: We're not taking a boat to Baldur's Gate, right?
Gale: And give the Absolute free reign to use us as target practice from the banks? I think not.
Karlach: Phew. My mum always said the Chionthar was unlucky.

(At Mind Flayer Colony)

Gale: It strikes me that, for a mind flayer colony, there are remarkably few mind flayers about the place...
Karlach: Squiddies have gone to war, is my guess.
Gale: On the Absolute's behalf? Now there's an alliance I'd have been quite happy without.

(At The Blushing Mermaid)

Karlach: Man, it's good to be home. First round on who?
Gale: She who thirsts buys drinks the first.
Karlach: You won't pin me down with a rhyme, wizard!
Gale: She who declines gets the worst of the wines.

(At Sorcerous Sundries)

Gale: Look around you. Indulge your curiosity. Sorcerous Sundries is the finest purveyor of magical miscellany for miles around.
Karlach: Where's the axes?
Gale: What they sell is far more precious than mere sword or shield. They sell knowledge, ingenuity, the wisdom of mages past.
Karlach: Sounds like more your thing than mine.

(At The Counting House)

Gale: They say wealth offers a form of magic. Alas, it's one I've rarely dabbled in.
Karlach: Nor I. Never had more than a few coppers in the city, and any soul coins in Avernus went straight to Zariel.
Gale: Make no mistake. Souls are sold for coins up here as well. All too cheaply, in most cases.

(At Danthelon's Dancing Axe)

Karlach: Wouldn't mind a dancing axe of my own.
Gale: A simple movement charm wouldn't be too hard to apply to such an object. I could conjure one up for you if you like?
Karlach: Yes! I like!
Gale: Very well then. Once the city is saved, Karlach's Kinetic Cleaver will be first on my list.

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 1 romance scene)

Gale: You know, Karlach, there are other ways to express love beyond run-of-the-mill physicality...
Karlach: Ugh. Are you going to try and teach me about exceptional uses for a mage hand or what?
Gale: Actually, I was thinking of poetry.
Karlach: Oops, sorry. But... now that I think of it... is mage hand especially hard to learn?

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 2 romance scene)

Gale: I've always felt flames to be a rather perfect expression of love, Karlach.
Gale: Passionate, primal, capable of bestowing the most life-affirming comfort, or inflicting the profoundest damage.
Karlach: That's... pretty nice. Never thought about it like that. But now I will.

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 3 romance scene)

Gale: Am I to understand that you are in love now, Karlach?
Karlach: I sure am. If there's hope for me there's hope for anyone.

(If the player is romancing Gale; after act 1 romance scene)

Gale: Karlach... a hypothetical question for you:
Gale: If someone - not me, of course - detected a hint of romantic interest in them from another, unnamed individual, what might that someone do about it?
Karlach: Whoever it is, just talk to them, Gale. And leave out the hypotheticals.
Gale: Talking. Right. I'm good at that.

(If the player is romancing Gale; after act 2 romance scene)

Karlach: So, Gale - got any book recommendations for me?
Gale: You can read?!
Karlach: Very funny. Yes - I can read. School put me off big boring tomes. Sometimes I wonder what I'm missing.
Gale: Say no more - I'll find the perfect book for you. I might even lend it to you from my library in Waterdeep.
Karlach: Ooh! Something with magic, please. And no devils.

(If the player is romancing Gale; after act 3 romance scene)

Karlach: How's the orb treating you, Gale?
Gale: Oh, quite well as a matter of fact. Since it was stabilised, it's been humming along nicely.
Gale: I have noticed one adverse side-effect. I seem to be losing hair in some, er, unexpected places.
Karlach: I can only imagine.

Karlach and Lae'zel

(While in plains)

Karlach: Is this your first time on the Sword Coast, Lae'zel?
Lae'zel: Yes. It is much more... lively... than the githyanki slates led me to believe.
Karlach: Just wait till you see Baldur's Gate. You'll never want to leave.

(While in plains)

Lae'zel: Smell that? Blood. This whole plain reeks of it.
Karlach: That'll wake you up of a fine day, won't it.
Lae'zel: I do not need awakening. My senses are sharp as steel.

(At Forest)

Karlach: Ahh, smell that? Fresh forest air.
Lae'zel: I smell only fear - the fear of cowards lying in wait for an ambush.
Karlach: You can take a day off once in a while, Lae'zel.
Lae'zel: I do not take days off. I'd even forego sleep, if such a thing were feasible. The one advantage an elf holds over a githyanki.

(In the Underdark)

Karlach: Beautiful. Lethal. The Underdark is everything I thought it'd be.
Lae'zel: And I. This environ seems worthy of a githyanki warrior's estimation.
Karlach: Ah, to be deemed worthy by the great Lae'zel of Crèche K'liir.
Lae'zel: Continue as you have, Karlach, and you will achieve the same.

(At Rosymorn Monastery)

Karlach: What a sight. We should stop for a nice little lunch, take it all in.
Lae'zel: Is the worm gnawing at your grey matter? We must find a crèche and be purified.
Karlach: True. Fine. First, purify the tadpole, then a little lunch.

(On the road to Shadow-Cursed Lands)

Karlach: Lae'zel, do you want to talk about what happened at the crèche?
Lae'zel: Trust me. You'll know when I'm ready to discuss it.
Karlach: Fair enough. But if you change your mind...
Lae'zel: It is not a matter of mind. It is a matter of faith - and I have been put to the test.

(At Shadow-Cursed Lands Forest)

Karlach: Do I see light? Or am I delusional?
Lae'zel: Just a mirage. There's not a spot in sight that the gloom hasn't touched.
Karlach: Damn, you're right. The eyes see what the heart wants.

(At Ruined Battlefield)

Lae'zel: Bones. Rusted weapons. A great battle was fought here.
Karlach: An extra vicious one, I think. No one buried their dead.
Lae'zel: Exactly the sort of battle I live to fight. And the sort made even more thrilling with a hot-hearted tiefling at my side.

(At Mind Flayer Colony)

Karlach: Look at all this mucus. Wonder if our nautiloid came from down here.
Lae'zel: It's a possibility. This is no mere mind flayer colony, but an entire ghaik bastion.
Karlach: I'm ready for the goo.

(At Wyrm's Rock Fortress)

Lae'zel: A kith'rak's red dragon would have this place down around Gortash's ears in moments.
Karlach: I'd love to see that. I've always hated this place.
Lae'zel: It will be far more satisfying to plunge a blade into Gortash myself than to pick through his ashes.

(At Wyrm's Rock Fortress)

Karlach: You know, I've always kind of hated this place. Such ado about a damned bridge.
Lae'zel: It's just a bridge. Is it really worth all that ire?
Karlach: C'mon, isn't there something you hate for no good reason?
Lae'zel: Hm. I dislike owls. Their hyper-mobile necks are quite disconcerting.
Karlach: You know what, Lae? I couldn't agree more.

(At Lady Jannath's Estate)

Karlach: Phew! Wouldn't mind shacking up in a place like this.
Lae'zel: Yes - and quite an attractive target for githyanki raiders. They'd plunder the village and fly off with the spoils.
Karlach: What are you, pirates?
Lae'zel: To my people, all the planes are a vast garden to be weeded and picked.
Karlach: Well tell your mates to keep their hoes out of Baldur's Gate.

(At House of Hope)

Karlach: Damn. I swore I'd never come back to the Hells, and here I am.
Lae'zel: Fate has a way of pulling us along with or without our approval.
Karlach: Escaping fate happens to be my speciality.

(If the player is romancing Lae'zel; after act 1 romance scene)

Karlach: So githyanki undergarments. Very fashionable.
Lae'zel: The under-harnesses are often used for strapping oneself onto a red dragon.
Karlach: Fashion and function. You lot really have it all figured out.

(If the player is romancing Lae'zel; after act 2 romance scene)

Karlach: Lae'zel, you're actually glowing.
Lae'zel: It is the sheen of the soldier's sweat on my brow.
Karlach: The soldier's sweat? Or the lover's?
Lae'zel: Kain'cha... Speak on it no further.

(If the player is romancing Lae'zel; after act 3 romance scene)

Karlach: It's good to see you smiling, Lae'zel.
Lae'zel: A momentary spasm of the jaw. But perhaps there is cause.
Lae'zel: Even in this dark hour, there are some things to take heart in.
Karlach: Couldn't have said it better myself.

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 1 romance scene)

Lae'zel: Your years in the Hells have made you a fierce warrior, Karlach.
Karlach: Fierce in battle, maybe a bit naive in... everything else.
Lae'zel: In that way, you are like many a young githyanki - wise to the ways of battle, if not to the wider world.
Karlach: Makes sense. And how are you getting on out here in the world?
Lae'zel: Mindfully and meticulously.

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 2 romance scene)

Lae'zel: Karlach, were there others of Zariel's warriors who bore the infernal engine?
Karlach: I was the first - not the last. But most didn't survive the process.
Karlach: The others were all devilkin. I think I was the only lucky winner from Faerûn.
Lae'zel: You were stronger than the others.
Karlach: Lucky me.

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 3 romance scene)

Lae'zel: A dinner date. At first your request confused me. But then, I became curious...
Karlach: Think you might like to try it for yourself some time?
Lae'zel: It sounds terribly understimulating.
Karlach: Depends on the company.
Lae'zel: Well. Good thing for us both I make for riveting company.

Karlach and Shadowheart

(At Forest)

Karlach: Ahh. Flowers, leaves, grass. Can't beat it.
Shadowheart: I was raised in the city - I'm more used to feeling cobblestones underfoot than grass and fallen leaves.
Karlach: Before I went to Avernus, I'd have agreed with you. Nothing quite like Baldur's Gate, is there?
Shadowheart: Nothing in my recollection, anyway...

(At Blighted Village)

Shadowheart: The whole village is falling to pieces. These goblins aren't exactly house-proud, as occupiers go...
Karlach: Wouldn't blame the gobs. Place looks like it's been abandoned a good while.
Karlach: But hey, maybe we can scare up a few dusty bottles of wine somewheres.
Shadowheart: I like your way of thinking. Split any takings we find?
Karlach: Sister, you've got a deal.

(At Sunlit Wetlands)

Karlach: Hey! Something bit me.
Shadowheart: Just an insect - I'm sure you'll survive. Besides, it probably figured you for a tasty treat.
Karlach: Give me an aboleth over a midge any day.

(At Grymforge)

Shadowheart: This place is hard to bear. I hope we're able to continue on our way before too long.
Karlach: I know what you mean. Everyone is so... unhappy.
Shadowheart: Oh. Well I meant more the molten rock and plunging chasms, but yes, the folk leave something to be desired as well.
Karlach: Present company excluded, of course?
Shadowheart: Oh hush, you. Stop fishing for compliments.

(At Rosymorn Monastery)

Shadowheart: A remote spot for a monastery. I suppose they wanted to make sure the monks avoided temptation.
Karlach: Yeah but look at these mountains. The height of temptation.
Shadowheart: No, I mean more like vices. You know - pleasures of the flesh.
Karlach: Met a loumara demon who married a mountain, though. It's a thing.
Shadowheart: I think the thin air might be getting to you, Karlach.

(At Crèche Y'llek)

Karlach: Gotta respect these gith. They don't fool around.

(If it is known that Shadowheart is a follower of Shar)

Shadowheart: Oh I'm more than aware, trust me. I've had plenty of training in what to expect from them.

(If it is not known that Shadowheart is a follower of Shar)

Shadowheart: I'll certainly be treading very carefully, trust me.
Karlach: In that case, lead on, miss.

(On the road to Shadow-Cursed Lands)

Shadowheart: We've had some close calls already. There could be even tougher days ahead...
Karlach: Cheer up. It might be all downhill from here.
Shadowheart: Meaning things will start becoming easier for us, or our situation will deteriorate from here...?
Karlach: Exactly.

(At Reithwin Town)

Karlach: Since you're the only one in good form out here, I'll trust you to lead the way, Shadowheart.

(If Shadowheart no longer loyal to Shar)

Shadowheart: Actually... I've been stripped of that particular advantage. But I will forge ahead, nonetheless.

(If Shadowheart is still loyal to Shar)

Shadowheart: It's a deal, so long as you watch my back.
Karlach: Atta girl.

(At Mason's Guild Rebel Hideout)

Shadowheart: I love a nice secret hideaway, don't you?
Karlach: I mean... I guess.
Shadowheart: You can just fill it with supplies, seal up the hidden entrance, and tuck yourself away from the world...
Karlach: Whatever you say, squirrelheart.

(At Gauntlet of Shar)

Karlach: Never knew Sharrans to be so... military.
Shadowheart: It shouldn't surprise you. We have been at war with Selûne since before most of history was written. An eternal conflict, from the viewpoint of mortals...
Shadowheart: Shar's entire creed revolves around waging war against Selûne. Imagine all the generations of mortals, sacrificed in an eternal conflict between sisters.
Karlach: Problem with eternal wars is they never end.
Karlach: Take it from me, a short, sharp personal vendetta is far less time-intensive.

(Approaching Moonrise Towers)

Shadowheart: Moonrise Towers. There used to be more than one tower, of course. The other must have been destroyed.

(If Karlach has only one real eye)

Karlach: I figured as much, what with my one good eye for seeing and fingers for counting.

(If Karlach still has both eyes)

Karlach: I figured as much, being the proud owner of eyes.
Karlach: ... sorry, no need for that. Must've put too much salt on my blood sausage this morning.
Shadowheart: Not at all. Nice to be on the receiving end, now and again. Keeps me sharp.

(At Moonrise Towers)

Karlach: I'm sweating bullets. What if I blow our cover?
Shadowheart: Simplicity is the key to a good deception. If in doubt, try thinking less.
Karlach: Yes ma'am.

(At Moonrise Towers Oubliette)

Karlach: Dark enough for you, Shadowheart?
Shadowheart: Nothing wrong with a nice subdued ambience. It can help flatter even the homeliest of faces.
Karlach: I'll try to keep my fire a gentle throb.

(At Moonrise Towers Prison)

Karlach: Prisoners!
Shadowheart: More like soon-to-be tadpole residences. Every infected prisoner will just make things harder on us...
Karlach: Let's go blast a brine pool, then.

(At Baldur's Mouth)

Karlach: I wouldn't mind doing a little shopping in the city.

(If Shadowheart no longer loyal to Shar)

Shadowheart: Same. I think I may have overdone it with the black and purple for, oh, my entire life? Your look serves you well though.

(If Shadowheart is still loyal to Shar)

Shadowheart: Lady Shar teaches us to abhor superficialities like fashion... though the city does have some fine boutiques. After a new look?
Karlach: I'm ten years behind; don't want the youths to think I'm not, you know, up with the times.

(At Bloomridge Park)

Karlach: Huh. There's something going on here. I don't like it.
Karlach: Careful. I smell an ambush.
Shadowheart: Are you sure it's not the flowers you're smelling? You may be allergic.
Shadowheart: But better safe than sorry, I suppose.

(At Morphic Pool)

Karlach: I can tell when we're getting close to a mind flayer area because everything starts to smell purple.
Shadowheart: That's either profoundly poetic or childishly simple. I'm going with poetic.
Karlach: A compliment from Shadowheart! I'll put it on the shelf with the rest of my achievements.

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 2 romance scene)

Karlach: Hey, Shaddy, got a quick question about the best way to treat an infernal burn.
Shadowheart: Shaddy? Really?
Karlach: Hearty? Shadsy? Or maybe just The Fringe?
Shadowheart: 'Shadowheart' will do just fine, thanks. Love is making you fanciful.
Karlach: You might be right.

(If the player is romancing Shadowheart; after act 1 romance scene)

Karlach: You look happy, Shadowheart. Like a Night Orchid in bloom.
Shadowheart: You must be imagining it.
Karlach: It's all over your face.
Shadowheart: It must be all the fresh air since the crash - has me flush.
Karlach: It looks good on you.

(If the player is romancing Shadowheart; after act 2 romance scene)

Karlach: So - why Night Orchids?
Shadowheart: Well, isn't it enough that they're beautiful?
Shadowheart: They remind me of some place - a place I can't quite remember. But I think I was happy there, wherever it was.
Shadowheart: Sorry. I'm being silly.
Karlach: You're cute.

(If the player is romancing Shadowheart, and Shadowheart chose Selune)

Karlach: Must be lovely to have a swim without boiling all the fishes alive.
Shadowheart: Sounds pleasant to swim with you. At a distance. It's usually so freezing.
Karlach: Don't ask me to make a hot spring for you two. It might work. But I also might cook you like lobsters.

(If the player is romancing Shadowheart, and Shadowheart chose Shar)

Karlach: To have someone who cares about you and throw them away. I don't know how you do it.
Shadowheart: Any restriction, any tether must be shed. Surely you understand that? It is a form of freedom, if a tragic one.
Karlach: I've had enough tragedy in my day. You have too. But Shar's got you in a chokehold.
Shadowheart: It's called an embrace. I suppose you don't receive many.
Karlach: Whatever.

Karlach and Wyll

(At Last Light Inn, if it's protected)

Karlach: Think the bar is open?
Wyll: I intend to find out. But we should scout around first, see who's in need of help.
Karlach: You're good at staying in character, I'll give you that.

(At Grand Mausoleum)

Karlach: No shadow curse here. Wonder why.
Wyll: Couldn't say. Maybe because an entirely different curse has befallen the tomb.
Karlach: Always something, isn't it.

(At Gauntlet of Shar)

Karlach: You know, even devils like a good joke. Why are Sharrans so... dour?
Wyll: Their belief is grounded in loss. Hardly a laughing matter.
Karlach: The loss of all joy. Sad business.

(At Rivington riverbank)

Karlach: Care for a dip, Wyll?
Wyll: It would be my pleasure, Karlach - once the Absolute's been crushed for good.
Karlach: Heroics don't leave half enough time for messing.

(In the North Alleys)

Karlach: Do I hear... music?
Wyll: I reckon there wasn't much merry-making in the Hells.
Karlach: You reckon right. Maybe for the best though. My singing is worse than demonic screeching.
Wyll: Hm - perhaps your talent lies in dancing, instead?

(At Southern Docks)

Wyll: Smell that, Karlach?
Karlach: Uh... fish?
Wyll: Well, yes. But also trouble.
Karlach: Your nose is better than mine, pal.

(At The Counting House)

Karlach: Feel that? Guards are giving us the stink-eye.
Karlach: Think they recognise you?
Wyll: Possibly. But I wager there's something deeper at work here.
Karlach: Then let's go digging.

(If the player is romancing Wyll; after act 1 romance scene)

Karlach: Couldn't find you for a while at the party. Was hoping we could regale our friends with a nice three-horned duet.
Wyll: Ah, I just needed a moment of quiet, to think, that's all.
Karlach: What about?
Wyll: Wouldn't you like to know?
Karlach: Well yeah! One thing I'll say for the Hells, the gossip is excellent. Faerûn's a funeral parlour by comparison.

(If the player is romancing Wyll; after act 2 romance scene)

Karlach: Used to your new look yet, Wyll? I for one think you look smashing.
Wyll: You know, I think I am. It certainly didn't put off my - er- dance partner.
Karlach: Ah, dance, the true language of love.

(If the player is romancing Wyll; after act 3 romance scene)

Karlach: Seeing you happy is pretty wonderful, Wyll.
Karlach: Two of my real friends, finding real happiness? Together? Beautiful.
Wyll: Thank you, Karlach.
Karlach: If you get married, I'm your celebrant. Got it?
Wyll: As if could ever refuse you.

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 1 romance scene)

Wyll: Did Zariel know you'd be unable to touch anyone when she crammed that awful thing into your chest?
Karlach: Thing is, I can touch devils and the like, back in Avernus. I never did, cause I'm not a masochist. But I could have.
Wyll: Gods. I'm glad you got out of there.
Karlach: With my new best friend on my tail the whole time. Who knew.

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 2 romance scene)

Wyll: Karlach... I know I say this every day, but I'm so glad you're here.
Karlach: Me too!
Wyll: And seeing you've got someone to care about now, after ten bloody years, what would you say? 'Good for you, mate.'?
Karlach: Exactly so, your majesty.

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 3 romance scene)

Wyll: The fact one of your first dates is going to be one of your last... it's just not fair, Karlach.
Karlach: I don't want to think about that. I just want to enjoy whatever comes my way.
Wyll: You're worth more respect than every last rogue in this city. I hope you know that.

Karlach and Halsin

(At Ruined Battlefield)

Karlach: I can almost reconstruct this battle in my mind. Unfortunately.
Halsin: At least you were not present. Grim as it is now, it was worse on the day of the battle. A vivid wound upon my memory.
Karlach: Tsk. Poor man.
Halsin: I was lucky - I lived, when so many did not. It would take me a day and a night to recite the names of all the friends I lost.

(At Last Light Inn Graveyard)

Karlach: Well, well. Who's buried here?
Halsin: Flaming Fists, Harpers, refugees, perhaps... The shadow curse has indiscriminate taste in victims.
Karlach: May they rest in peace.
Halsin: Peace and rest are strangers in these lands, until the shadows are banished.

(At Last Light Inn, if it's cursed)

Halsin: All gone... devoured by the shadows. Oak Father preserve us, it's just like a hundred years ago.
Karlach: Stay strong, bear man. We're still here.
Halsin: We are. Yet there is a burden to being the survivor... the witness to others' tragedies. It only grows heavier with time.

(At Mason's Guild)

Halsin: I knew one of Reithwin's head masons. She was a good woman, and strong as an ox.
Karlach: Really? Are strong women your type, Halsin?
Halsin: I don't discriminate against any type.
Karlach: Truly a bear man of the people.

(At Moonrise Towers)

Halsin: This fortress was a seat of the High Heralds, I believe. Long gone from here, of course.
Karlach: The who now?
Halsin: A council of intellectuals, respected throughout Faerûn - leading authorities on heraldry of course, but also history, genealogy, and diplomacy.
Karlach: Seems like diplomacy failed, if they allowed Ketheric Thorm to take over - twice.

(At Moonrise Towers Throne Room)

(If the shadowcurse hasn't been lifted)

Halsin: I can only hope we still find time to vanquish the curse. I can think of little else.
Karlach: You can talk of little else too.
Halsin: I make no apologies for knowing what is important to me.

(If the shadowcurse has been lifted)

Halsin: We have lifted the shadow curse, but a new challenge awaits us.
Karlach: Baldur's Gate - we can't get there soon enough.
Halsin: I am... less anxious to find myself in a city. So removed from nature's power - I do not know how I will fare.
Karlach: Stick with me. I'll show you around and square up if anyone bothers you.

(While assaulting Moonrise Towers)

Karlach: Take no prisoners.
Halsin: I doubt many will seek to surrender. But if they do... mercu costs us nothing, Karlach.
Karlach: Nothing but the win.

(At The Lodge)

Halsin: There is an admirable harmony to the Society of Brilliance. Beings of all sorts, united in the pursuit of intellect...
Karlach: The pursuit of intellect. Fun.
Halsin: Hailing from the Underdark can dampen one's sense of fun, I will admit. Down there, noises such as laughter tend to attract predators.
Karlach: Sounds like a place I used to know...

(At The Blushing Mermaid)

Halsin: You and I may struggle to go unnoticed in such environs, Karlach.
Karlach: True enough. Hard to hide pretty under a bushel.
Halsin: I meant more in terms of size. Folk of our stature can be a lure for drunkards seeking a brawl, I have found.
Karlach: Ooh! Fun.

(At Guildhall)

Karlach: I smell a fight brewing.
Halsin: Then let it brew. Some radical thinkers claim that peace is a valid option, you know.
Karlach: And miss a good barroom brawl? Not me, sir.

(At Sorcerous Sundries)

Halsin: This place reminds me of a magpie's nest. Random baubles, doodahs, and what-have-yous, all jumbled together without a care.
Karlach: Fun, right? Who knows what you could find.
Halsin: Danger, going by past experience. A cursed tome. An unstable spell. A haunted poppet...
Karlach: Haunted poppet, haunted poppet.

(At Morphic Pool)

Halsin: I cannot help but feel that destiny is tightening its grip on our forward path.
Karlach: Win or lose, we're nearly there, right?
Halsin: Indeed. But I just wanted to take the chance to say - it has been a pleasure, Karlach.
Karlach: The feeling's highly mutual, bear man.

(If the player is romancing Haslin in act 3)

Karlach: You're old as sin, right Halsin? You must have lots of good stories.
Halsin: A few. But people always warm to the most salacious chapters.
Halsin: They forget how much I study, meditate, and as a bear - hibernate. I must have spent a hundred years or more asleep.
Karlach: Sleep and adventure. Maybe I'll come back as a bear in some future life.

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 3 romance scene)

Halsin: Nature affords us few greater powers of healing than what love can provide, Karlach.
Halsin: I was concerned that your pursuit of a cure might cloud your final days. I am glad I was wrong.
Karlach: Me too. Even with so much at stake... in this little heart of mine, I've never been happier.

Karlach and Minthara

(At Abandoned Cistern in the Lower City Sewers)

Minthara: This place is foul. Drow would not tolerate rivers of waste flowing so close to their residences.
Karlach: You've got slaves to manage your sanitation. Baldur's Gate doesn't. Though we do rely quite heavily on kobolds.
Minthara: But surely the kobolds are slaves?
Karlach: Hell no.
Minthara: Straj. Yet one more reason to despair for the fate of this city.

(If the player is romancing Minthara; after act 2 romance scene)

Karlach: Hey, so, what's romance like in the Underdark, Minthara?
Minthara: In Menzoberranzan, romance is commonly a luxury enjoyed between women. Men are mostly present for propagation.
Minthara: Here on the surface, gender does not define one's role so strictly. There are weaklings of every sort.

(If the player is romancing Minthara; after act 3 romance scene)

Karlach: It's funny seeing you so smitten, Minthara. Didn't think you were able.
Minthara: I took my first lover before you were a spark in your father's eye, child.
Karlach: Go on.
Minthara: She was a high priestess of House Vandree. Beautiful, elegant, ruthless.
Minthara: I adored her, and had been sharing her bed for some time when the order came that she must die.
Minthara: I stayed with her while the poison did its work, and whispered words of comfort as she slipped away.
Karlach: Oh no.

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 2 romance scene)

Minthara: You allowed that smith to meddle with your heart, Karlach, simply so you can be touched?
Minthara: Better to shut off the carnal desires than indulge them. They are distractions.
Karlach: Yes, because every function comes with a handy switch.
Karlach: Next time I'm injured, don't heal, just turn me off and on again.

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 3 romance scene)

Minthara: Have you ever been afraid, Karlach? Truly afraid?
Karlach: You know how much time I spent in the hells, right? Of course I've been scared!
Karlach: I kept on going though. Knew there'd be better days on the other side - and here they are.

Karlach and Jaheira

(At Steel Watch Foundry)

Karlach: These Steel Watchers are big as hell.
Jaheira: All the more cracks and crevices for a wild-shape to ferret into - gum up the works a little.
Karlach: I'd give my other horn to watch that.

(At Bonecloak's Basement)

Karlach: So, erm, Jaheira. Do you like to... that is, what do you like to do?
Jaheira: As in... hobbies? Oh. Well... I like to play music, I suppose?
Karlach: I'm just picturing you strumming on a harp so hard the strings snap and trying not to shriek. What do you play?
Jaheira: Eh. Mostly the same children's rhyme, on a battered whistle of tin. I do not get a lot of time to practise.
Jaheira: Oh spare me the sad eyes, girl! Not every daily deed is worthy of song! Certainly none I can play.

(At Water Queen's House)

Karlach: This place is so peaceful. Maybe I should convert.
Jaheira: I've done my share of praying to her, though not for the cause of peace. My faith was suddenly found on choppy seas.
Karlach: I don't know what that means.

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 3 romance scene)

Jaheira: You've a love-struck look about you, Karlach. Just do not let it distract you from the task ahead.
Karlach: But what if I really enjoy being distracted from the task ahead?
Jaheira: Bah, where is the barbarian rage? I have been learning so many colourful phrases from you, I was hoping to inspire a few more.
Karlach: Ma'am, you've been inspiring me since I was yea high.

Karlach and Minsc

Karlach: Minsc, you come from an entire nation of berserkers. Give me some of those good Rashemaar pointers.
Minsc: Oh. There is much to be learned. Deep breaths. Meditative trances. Strange and stinking mushrooms.
Minsc: But Minsc could master none of this. Which made him sad. Which made him mad. Which made him the berserker you see before you.
Karlach: Huh. Really?
Minsc: And there is always Boo, with the needful nip when anger is slow in coming. This is not how you do it...?

(At the entrance to the Guildhall)

Minsc: Are you familiar with the evil works of Nine-Fingers and her Guild, Karlach?
Karlach: I've Heard of her - and everyone knows the Guild. They're not bad if you know how to work 'em.

(If Minsc has agreed to work with Nine-Fingers)

Minsc: Hm. Boo and I, we are in need of honest berserkers to keep the Guild honest in turn. Will you show us how this 'working' is done?
Karlach: Sure. The trick is to let them mess with you just once, and show 'em what happens. They won't try again.

(If Minsc has not agreed to work with Nine-Fingers)

Minsc: Minsc means to do no working. When he breaks the guildmaster, it will be for the fun of it alone.

(At Undercity Ruins)

Minsc: A dead and foul place. Only a villain would nest down in these tunnels.
Karlach: Hang on, weren't you living in the sewer?
Minsc: Entirely different! That was foul only in its smells, and the way our water tasted. But it was home.
Karlach: Fair enough, buddy. Home is where the heart is, anyway.
Minsc: Ah - in that case, home is in my pocket, nestled on soft bed of flesh and fluff.

(At Bhaal Temple)

Karlach: What a pesthole! Can't wait to clear this place out.
Minsc: There will be much trading of threats and insults, no doubt. But Minsc will be ready when it is time for boot to meet butt.
Karlach: You and me both, pal.

(At Morphic Pool)

Minsc: Karlach, this brain we go to bully - Boo has suggested it is large. Wizard-brain large? Boo-brain large?
Karlach: Like... as many Boo-brains as a mortal mind can fathom. It's an elder brain, after all. You heard of those?
Minsc: Of course!
Minsc: What is an elder brain?
Karlach: Honestly, I'm not completely sure. But I know it'll be no match for you, me, and the hamster.

(If the player is romancing Karlach; after act 3 romance scene)

Minsc: Karlach - do I see you gazing long at Boo? You wish to have a hamster of your own, I think.
Karlach: I wouldn't say no. But really I was thinking... how old is he, Minsc?
Minsc: He is quite obviously in his prime. For a miniature giant space hamster.
Karlach: And he's always looked the exact same? No chance Jaheira's been swapping him out every few years?
Minsc: Karlach! Minsc and Boo thought better of you, than to be so concerned with looks.

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Karlach/banter

Remarks

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Selected (sneaking)

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Selected (downed)

Selection spam

Selection spam (sneaking)

Selection spam (in combat)

Moving

Moving (in combat)

Moving (sneaking)

Hiding

Hiding (in combat)

At low health

Can't fit in a small hole

Can't fit in a tiny hole

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Can't use an item while in combat

Finding a locked item

Attempting to pick a lock

Looking at a globe

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Looking into a mirror

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Succeeded Perception roll (trap)

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Succeeded Investigation roll (trap)

Identified a mimic

Surprised by mimic

After a Short Rest

On character death

Location Remarks

Act One

Ravaged Beach

Forest

Act Two

Act Three

Party Banter

Karlach and Astarion

Karlach and Gale

Karlach and Lae'zel

Karlach and Shadowheart

Karlach and Wyll

Karlach and Halsin

Karlach and Minthara

Karlach and Jaheira

Karlach and Minsc

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